hari ni mood nak tulis panjang-panjang sepuas hati!

sentap sekejap saya semalam.
terus buat list [list?] lelaki-lelaki yang
dimimpikan dan diimpikan,
sengaja atau tidak sengaja.


F**** M**** - 17 hopeless years
G**** - 1 scandalous wasted year 
A***** * - 1 1/2 another hopeless years  
F***** - 2 months too deep too soon [and the only real boyfriend.omg]
J** ***** - 1 ridiculous month [& counting]
tom cruise - 20 devoted years [& counting]
ethan hawke - 12 smitten years [& counting]
james franco eh sudah! sudah! 

oke, my point is, my crush would only last few hours,
or if hes lucky enough, count it to few weeks.
other than that, it took me my whole life to get over
a so-called crush. or so i thought.

look at FM.
[i supposed im so over him by now]
what was i thinking?
17 years???
[oke, mug tu belum pecah-pecah lagi. tsktsktsk]
and he is now, officially my 'forever crush'
[another term i made up for him [yikes!]]

- not going to talk about the others -

[oke, cerita ni sampai sini je]

ni pulak cerita lain.
two weeks ago, i fought hard with pakcik about 2010's eidulfitr.
mati-mati i told him [to infinite confidence] that 2010's eidulfitr was on september 20th.
i was saying something like

'betul~ saya ingat lagi, malam raya tu kitorang makan KFC celebrate birthday'

THAT WAS ACTUALLY TWO YEARS AGO!

now you ask 'what happened?'
well, apparently, F happened.
my last Ramadhan was full with either -

good night, or
selamat berbuka, or
dah balik terawih ke?, or
busy?, or
puasa tak? smses,

until he dumped me for my bestfriend, on my birthday.
aaah, now that explains the skip.

i swear it hurts me so much i cried my heart out for weeks!
and six months later, i was still catching up with life.
ramadhan is here & september is approaching. 
im getting older & wiser & prettier [eh!] but the memory remains.
and hes still here, still a friend.

remember this?
thank the Almighty it didnt happen.

and today,
i dont want to remember him as someone who used to hurt me, 
i want to remember him as someone who used to make me happy.

to certain extent, that belief really helps :)

[oke, cerita ni sampai sini je]

now i wonder, what is love, and what is crush.
[oke, crush is only 4 months blablabla]
and why women are so soft-hearted...
[ni nak cabar fitrah kejadian Tuhan ke ape ni buat statement macam ni???]
but someones right about this,
'what doesnt kill you, really makes you stronger'

and i was once told by a friend [particularly referring to FM]

'maybe you dont love him, maybe you just love the idea of having him around'

and i think shes right about that. 
i sometimes call him my 'rebound guy'
and that, i supposed, explains the hopeless years!

phew~ what a conclusion! hurrah!!!




p/s.
eh panjangnye entry ni?