last entry was on february 20th.

and today is already march 14th.

how time flies, aite? 

just a simple notes to tell all of you 

that i am very much alive & missing you loads! 

payah juga jadi orang peramah ni.
semua orang pandang semacam.
mamat tu cuma tanya; 'sekarang pukul berapa?'

masa kami lintas jalan sama-sama,
dia tanya lagi; 'nak pegi mana?'
selepas berbual pendek,
kami membawa haluan masing-masing.
tiba-tiba seorang makcik bersuara
'nak, lain kali jangan layan budak tu. dia tu gila'

oh. patutla semua orang pandang semacam...

21 januari 2012

selepas sembilan belas hari meninggalkan kampung halaman,
pagi ini aku tiba di kampung halaman sekali lagi.

best juga rupanya kerap balik kampung ni.
tak sempat nak miss lama-lama dah jumpa lagi sekali.

love love kiss kiss hug hug
happy chinese new year for those celebrating :)

sekejap je rasa.
hari ini.  
langsung aku lupa.


:) 

setelah diamati di bahagian-bahagian tertentu badan,
aku amat percaya bahawa aku tergolong dalam kategori berkulit cerah.
nampak gaya, lepas ni nak keluar rumah kena pakai sun-block.
kalau rasa tak mahu berkulit 1Malaysia.

the lies & the good deeds

'i held to good deeds with a lie 

that leads to another lie

and ended those lies 

with another good lie.

i guess God is being fair with me...'

saya pejam mata rapat-rapat.
saya genggam tangan erat-erat. 
saya tarik nafas dalam-dalam.
saya bayang macam-macam.
saya senyum sipu-sipu.
saya rasa saya rindu... 

bersosial dengan orang yang tidak dikenali adalah sangat... 

AWKWARD. 

31 oktober 2011

the days of drooling over gavin yap are back.
please save me!

dari seorang lelaki yang kenal prada dan gucci

2002 : 

'mon, pada pandangan kau la kan, 

perempuan yang macamana cantik?'

'yanggg... kakinyaaa.... panjang!' 

tegas mon seraya menggaya tarian christina aguilera. 

[tupaimerah] sekarang baru nampak~

p/s.

nekad.

no more lifts and escalators.

17oct2011

.








*lost in space*








.

baru pulang dari KLIA.
baru tahu trolley di sana perlu ditekan
handle-nya untuk digerakkan.
bikin malu saja.

'eh aku rasa macam nak berjalan-jalan 

kaki ayam kat tepi pantai laa' 

1999

'kalau ada no matrik lagi senang'

'ada ada. 99****'

[capai kertas dan tulis 09]

'no ape ni?'

'no matrik'

'99 dik, bukan 09'

p/s.

serta-merta rasa sepuluh tahun lebih muda :p

kepergian satu kehilangan

pagi itu rumah kami dipenuhi saudara-mara
dekat dan jauh yang datang bertandang seraya
mengiringi keberangkatan mak dan ayah ke tanah suci.
saya menangis sepenuh hati,
seolah pemergian mereka tiada kembali.
usia lewat suku abad belum menjamin
kemampuan saya untuk mengganti.
saya tak mampu menenangkan adik-adik,
apatah lagi menghilangkan gusar di hati sendiri.
terlintas di hati, di mana silap mak ayah dalam mendidik
sehingga saat itu saya masih tak mampu jadi pengganti.
bertahun telah berlalu, dan malam ini, saya menangis lagi...




p/s.
semoga setiap kepergian tetap ada satu kepulangan.

duit raya

dari usia mula kenal duit raya,
tahun ni tahun pertama tak dapat duit raya.
tahun tua sudah bermula agaknya.

ex(es). make you or break you.

selamba je ex-bestfriend ramah-ramah dengan ex-boyfriend.
tanya-tanya pasal status dalam hati ada taman ex-boyfriend. 
mereka ni berkawan macam tiada apa-apa.
aku, berkawan macam ada apa-apa.

******

ex-boyfriend : nak pergi rumah kawan ke?
                     ingat kalau ada kat rumah nak ajak buka sekali.
tupaimerah : eh! ape pasal pulak aku nak kena buka dengan kau?
ex-boyfriend : [speechless]

******  

ex-boyfriend : ingat rindu kat aku.
tupaimerah : rindu kau buat ape?
ex-boyfriend : [speechless]

****** 

ex-boyfriend : bila nak ada driver?

tupaimerah : alah. tahun lepas ade boyfriend pun balik drive sendiri jugak.

                   serupa tak payah ada boyfriend kalau macam tu.
ex-boyfriend : [speechless]

******

'sarcasm, in a way, is blessing in disguise' - tupaimerah

harga sebuah teknologi

tidak manghantar kad raya.
juga tidak menerima kad raya.

amat menyedihkan bagi old school-er macam saya....
tsktsktsk 

hari ni mood nak tulis panjang-panjang sepuas hati!

sentap sekejap saya semalam.
terus buat list [list?] lelaki-lelaki yang
dimimpikan dan diimpikan,
sengaja atau tidak sengaja.


F**** M**** - 17 hopeless years
G**** - 1 scandalous wasted year 
A***** * - 1 1/2 another hopeless years  
F***** - 2 months too deep too soon [and the only real boyfriend.omg]
J** ***** - 1 ridiculous month [& counting]
tom cruise - 20 devoted years [& counting]
ethan hawke - 12 smitten years [& counting]
james franco eh sudah! sudah! 

oke, my point is, my crush would only last few hours,
or if hes lucky enough, count it to few weeks.
other than that, it took me my whole life to get over
a so-called crush. or so i thought.

look at FM.
[i supposed im so over him by now]
what was i thinking?
17 years???
[oke, mug tu belum pecah-pecah lagi. tsktsktsk]
and he is now, officially my 'forever crush'
[another term i made up for him [yikes!]]

- not going to talk about the others -

[oke, cerita ni sampai sini je]

ni pulak cerita lain.
two weeks ago, i fought hard with pakcik about 2010's eidulfitr.
mati-mati i told him [to infinite confidence] that 2010's eidulfitr was on september 20th.
i was saying something like

'betul~ saya ingat lagi, malam raya tu kitorang makan KFC celebrate birthday'

THAT WAS ACTUALLY TWO YEARS AGO!

now you ask 'what happened?'
well, apparently, F happened.
my last Ramadhan was full with either -

good night, or
selamat berbuka, or
dah balik terawih ke?, or
busy?, or
puasa tak? smses,

until he dumped me for my bestfriend, on my birthday.
aaah, now that explains the skip.

i swear it hurts me so much i cried my heart out for weeks!
and six months later, i was still catching up with life.
ramadhan is here & september is approaching. 
im getting older & wiser & prettier [eh!] but the memory remains.
and hes still here, still a friend.

remember this?
thank the Almighty it didnt happen.

and today,
i dont want to remember him as someone who used to hurt me, 
i want to remember him as someone who used to make me happy.

to certain extent, that belief really helps :)

[oke, cerita ni sampai sini je]

now i wonder, what is love, and what is crush.
[oke, crush is only 4 months blablabla]
and why women are so soft-hearted...
[ni nak cabar fitrah kejadian Tuhan ke ape ni buat statement macam ni???]
but someones right about this,
'what doesnt kill you, really makes you stronger'

and i was once told by a friend [particularly referring to FM]

'maybe you dont love him, maybe you just love the idea of having him around'

and i think shes right about that. 
i sometimes call him my 'rebound guy'
and that, i supposed, explains the hopeless years!

phew~ what a conclusion! hurrah!!!




p/s.
eh panjangnye entry ni?

hari ini gua sampai pagi-pagi
terus gua bukak mp3 pc gua.
pasang lagu melayu klasik.
mahu tengok ada tak yang berani
pasang lagu raya kat pc sebelah.


hahaha